The Dark River Tavern Menu: A Status Explainer of Every Test of a Modified-Gravity and Cold Dark Energy Programme

Explainer, version 1.0 (2026-11-01). AI-assisted research programme; not peer reviewed. kappa = 1/2 is fitted; the theory is not closed. Nothing here says the data favour this theory or any other. A menu-style status document: each test is a dish, plated with a picture of its data and a plain statement of why it passes, fails or stays open. Two parts carry different dates and test different rules. Tonight's specials (1 November 2026, 9 dishes) grade route E, version N: Newtonian gravity on baryons plus cold dark energy halos. On measured gas it fails: cluster keys 12 of 15 with G-OUT-M3 +4.41, LITTLE THINGS +0.153, and with a live disc response Upsilon 0.35 / 0.36 against a 0.50 line. SPARC passes at the medians but is noise-limited (24 of 40 seed draws, post-result). The a0 law is shown as a comparison dish, not as route E. Lanes then still running (PZ1, DR8, FG1) are not included, and one dish's lane (the requirement map) is NOT DECIDED as frozen. The earlier 40 dishes (23 October 2026) are the v3s board as it stood then, kept with that date. They aren't recomputed for route E, and the v3s investigation has since been closed. Cold dark energy is a gravitating field component, never a particle. Files: printable PDF (53 pages) and the same menu as a self-contained web page.