Missing Someone Who Hurt You: Why Heartbreak Lingers

Many people keep missing an ex long after a relationship ends, even when that person treated them badly. This paper explains why heartbreak lingers, drawing on published research on attachment, rejection, and grief, and on clinical observation. It describes Cardboard Cutout Syndrome, a term the author uses for the grief of losing an imagined version of a partner and the future built around them. Because part of what is grieved was assembled from hope and never fully existed, the loss can feel confusing, and the longing can continue after the facts of the relationship are clear. The paper outlines why replaying the relationship, checking on an ex, and missing someone who hurt you are common responses to a breakup, and it describes approaches clinicians use to help. It is a clinical concept paper and does not report original research. Author website: beginlifecounseling.com.