Why Does "Arrived Intimacy" Fail? The Interaction Mechanisms and Repair of Need–Response Mismatch in Young Couples

Existing studies of young people's romantic relationships have illuminated the influence of economic pressure, individualization, gendered divisions of care, and media environments, yet a micro-level puzzle remains: why do some partners who both intend to give still fail to convert their giving into experiences of being understood and cared for? Building on social exchange theory and the interpersonal process model of intimacy, this article develops the concept of "arrived intimacy," defining effective intimacy as a sequential process in which need cues are recognized, responded to in a manner matched to the need at hand, and the response is perceived as such by the recipient. Original interaction experiences sediment into "default response scripts"; when scripts narrow, need expressions remain ambiguous, attribution turns into judgment, and conflict goes unrepaired, good intentions may go astray in transmission. Structural pressures further compress the time and psychological resources required for need recognition and repair. The article accordingly proposes three repair processes—need translation, perception checking, and conflict review—and formulates mechanism propositions that can be tested in dyadic surveys and longitudinal research.