We Pulled on a Thread of Pleasantries and Unraveled an Unconscious Enactment Day One. Abstinence is a Myth, and the Unconscious is a Leviathan

My last analytic experience ended with my analyst having dementia; after that, I took some time off from my own analysis, then thought about beginning again. Starting all over with a new analyst, what a daunting task! After my last analysis, building a deep relationship with another person was like dating after a 25 years marriage ending. Awash in nostalgia, uncertainty, and raw emotion, I gave it a lot of thought. Making a call to begin therapy is a strange feeling. I cannot express the particular vulnerability I felt beginning again with a new analyst.With the LA psychoanalytic community being small, beginning with new analyst is like undressing in front of someone you vaguely know, and might run into at a party.I knew I had to reengage with the process because me being in analytic therapy is at the heart of all my work with my own patients, a cornerstone of grounding my inner world. I chose someone in the analytic community in LA known to me. I was never in a social circle with this person. I experienced this person through some psychoanalytic education. I was known in a similar way to this analyst—in a professional, collegial capacity. The fact that my personal history was unknown to this person is an important factor in this enactment.