Convoluted amae and hugging tightly

The word “amae,” which became internationally known through the publications of Japanese psychoanalyst Takeo Doi, describes the everyday psychology of dependency and reliance. I discuss the Japanese concept of amae (particularly “convoluted amae”) because it sheds light from a different angle on Western concepts such as “attacks on linking” and the “skin-ego,” and the therapeutic technique such as “containment.” The most concrete and clear form of amae is manifested when a child receives physical contact from his/her mother such as touching and cuddling. The relationship of this amae to physical contact is connected to the formation of the skin-ego. There are two types of amae: primitive amae (good amae), which has a reliable and willing recipient, and convoluted amae (bad amae), which lacks such a recipient. Convoluted amae is related to aggression accompanying frustrated desires, and to narcissistic problems. During psychoanalysis with a narcissistic patient, she showed ambivalence accompanied by hypersensitivity: sulking if she was not touched emotionally, but harboring disgust if she was. I discussed how her convoluted amae was linked to impairment of the skin-ego and attacks on linking, and the significance of therapeutic intervention in which the therapist metaphorically “hugged the patient firmly in his arms.”