Double-bound: Navigating justice as both enforcer and survivor

This reflective piece explores the contradictory position of working within the criminal justice system while living with the unreported experience of domestic and sexual abuse. Drawing from my time working within Police Scotland, it examines how insider knowledge of institutional procedures, priorities and cultures can deter survivors from seeking justice, particularly when employed within the very structures meant to protect them. My decision not to report was not rooted in uncertainty about what had happened to me, but in the certainty of what would happen if I did. Knowing how survivors are scrutinised, how credibility is negotiated and how trauma is often minimised by professionals, including colleagues, meant that silence felt safer than disclosure. The piece explores the intersections of professional identity and lived trauma, examining how gendered assumptions within policing, expectations of emotional detachment, and cultures of resilience work to silence women officers and survivors alike. I argue for a systemic shift that not only acknowledges lived experience within the workforce, but dismantles the cultural and structural barriers that keep women silent – even those wearing the uniform.