Keeping and Deleting Messages in Ongoing Romantic Relationships: Extending the Virtual Relationship Memory Model

People frequently decide which virtual objects (e.g., messages, photos) exchanged with romantic partners to keep or delete. The virtual relationship memory model (VRMM) argues these decisions help shape relational memories and meaning. However, the model was developed in the context of relationship dissolution. The present study extends the VRMM to the context of ongoing romantic relationships. Specifically, this study consisted of 30 semi-structured interviews with adults who reported on their motivations for keeping or deleting virtual objects, the perceived consequences of such decisions, and the ways in which network members influence their decision processes. Findings showed that participants kept virtual objects as relational memory resources and for partner accountability, whereas deletion served emotion regulation, conflict management, impression management, and privacy functions. Deletion created uncertainty within the relationship depending on message content and relational context, and network members influenced message management choices. By extending the VRMM to ongoing relationships, this study reframes virtual relational memory not only as a retrospective account of past relationships, but also as an ongoing communicative process. Additionally, it identifies motivations and consequences of message management unique to intact relationships.