Es Un Angelito: Navigating Discourses, Policies, and Worldviews About Disability with Love

Background: This autoethnography focuses on my contradictory lived experiences as a bi/multilingual Chicana mother-scholar of my son (Roberto, age 7), who was diagnosed with Down syndrome in utero. It addresses the contradictory discourses, educational and social policies, and epistemologies about disability and Down syndrome that I have navigated and that continue to shape my pivotal role in his schooling, as well as the emotional, affective, and spiritual dimensions of this role. Purpose of the Study: Inspired by cultural historical activity theory (CHAT) perspectives, I conceive of contradictions around disability and difference as having broader social, cultural, historical, political, and epistemological dimensions. Following these perspectives, the purpose of this paper is to highlight the extent to which advancing these contradictions collectively has the potential to not only facilitate new learning and problem solving but also lead to social and system-level change. Engaging these contradictions collectively would involve also addressing the emotional, affective, and spiritual dimensions that emerge for parents and families. Research Design: This analysis draws on autoethnography to center my life experiences and situate them within broader sociocultural contexts and meanings. As a particular kind of narrative, I also draw on testimonio methodology to elaborate the political, social, historical, and cultural histories that shape my life experiences as a Chicana mother-scholar with the goal of affecting social change through consciousness-raising. Recommendations: My testimonio demonstrates that although differences and disabilities are socioculturally and sociohistorically constituted, moment-to-moment instantiations can be unsettling, contested, messy, and painful for parents. To more fully support parents in realizing their pivotal roles, I offer implications from a place of just, affirming, and humanizing love that is radically hopeful and future-oriented. Recommendations include deeply relational approaches that engage the contradictions and collective emotional, affective, and spiritual dimensions that emerge for educators and parents in their collective efforts.