‘I Couldn’t Take a Day to Grieve’: fatherhood and state enforced disappearances in Northern Sri Lanka

Around the world, the majority of the disappeared are male and young. While research has documented the experiences and activism of mothers of the disappeared, little has been written on male relatives, particularly fathers. This article examines the experiences of fathers of the disappeared in Northern Sri Lanka. Looking at the disappearance of a child through the prism of forced familial separation, the article charts the ongoing effects of ambiguous loss and paternal grief. It discusses paternal agency and care, alongside risk factors and isolation facing men. The article examines how contextual understandings of masculinity influence how fathers navigate disappearances, balance duties to the living with the search for the disappeared, and the support available to them. Situating fathers’ experiences within the evolution of the disappearance protest movement in Sri Lanka, the article details how fathers’ grief and labour are rendered less visible. It positions paternal loss within wider structures of precarity, militarisation, and violence .