Before the Bruises: The Insidious Nature of Emotional and Financial Abuse in Heterosexual and Same-Sex Relationships

Abstract While research on domestic violence and abuse (DVA) frequently examines physical harm, the ways in which financial and emotional vulnerabilities—disclosed early in a relationship—are weaponised as instruments of control remain under-theorised. Ten years after the criminalisation of coercive control in England and Wales, and in the wake of the 2025 implementation of Raneem’s Law, investigating the “grooming” phase of non-physical abuse is a matter of urgent social and legal importance. This study utilises Mary Douglas’s theoretical framework of “matter out of place” to interrogate how abusers in heterosexual and same-sex contexts disrupt relational norms, framing their partners as anomalous or deficient to legitimise coercive tactics. Drawing on qualitative case studies and oral interviews detailing the lived experiences of two women, the research examines the exploitation of personal vulnerability. The analysis reveals four distinct mechanisms of control: degradation and symbolic pollution; financial moralising; the erosion of self-perception through economic dependence; and the progression from devaluation to physical violence. These patterns demonstrate how abusers construct a reality where the victim is positioned as “out of place,” destabilising their identity and agency. By applying Douglas’s framework to these dynamics, this study offers fresh perspectives on the architecture of emotional and financial abuse. The findings advocate for a shift in policy and practice that recognises these subtle patterns of grooming, challenging the societal frameworks that frequently marginalise victims as anomalies.