“I Accept Them, They Accept Me, We Enjoy Our Time Together”: Autistic Adults’ Preferences and Perceptions of Relationships With Other Autistic People

Autistic adults may have distinct relationship preferences and perceptions compared to non-autistic individuals. The Double Empathy Problem suggests that autistic people often experience greater mutual understanding and connection when interacting with other autistic individuals. While some research has examined these relationships, few studies have focused on a range of relationship types. This study aimed to address this gap by qualitatively exploring how autistic adults prefer and perceive their relationships with other autistic people across friendships, romantic relationships, mentoring/support, employment, and volunteering relationships. We surveyed autistic adults living in Australia and New Zealand to better understand their preferences and perceptions regarding these relationships. Written responses from 142 participants were analysed using a reflexive thematic analysis framework. Many autistic adults valued intersubjectivity, mutual understanding, and acceptance in their relationships with other autistic individuals. Within these relationships, they could be authentic and unmask; however, they also had to consider and balance their relational capacity. In addition, some participants experienced conflict in their relationships due to differences in compatibility. While within-neurotype relationships are beneficial for many autistic individuals, they are not always seamless, and challenges and conflicts can still arise. Like all relationships, autistic-autistic relationships are complex and nuanced.Lay AbstractMany autistic people enjoy spending time with other autistic individuals because they feel more comfortable and better understood in these relationships. While some research has explored autistic adults' relationships with other autistic people, less is known about their preferences and perceptions within these relationships. To learn more, we surveyed autistic adults in Australia and New Zealand about a range of relationship types they may have with other autistic people (i.e. friendships, romantic relationships, mentoring/support, employment, and volunteering relationships). We then analysed written responses from 142 participants using a reflexive thematic analysis to identify themes within the data set. Participants valued intersubjectivity, mutual understanding, acceptance, and a sense of belonging and described being able to unmask and be authentic in these relationships. However, they also had to consider and balance their relational capacity. While shared neurotype was important, other factors like shared interests, values, and emotional compatibility also influenced relationship satisfaction. Some participants also described challenges or conflicts due to differences in compatibility. These findings highlight that many autistic adults have meaningful relationships with other autistic people, challenging a deficit-based perspective. At the same time, they show that shared neurotype alone does not guarantee compatibility. Instead, the Double Empathy Problem should be understood as a spectrum influenced by factors such as shared life experience and social understanding, reminding us that, like all relationships, those between autistic people are complex and nuanced.