On the Funniest Joke in the History of the Universe

Abstract: We report the discovery and proof of the funniest joke in the history of the universe. The joke takes the form of a t-shirt. The proof: 100 nuclear weapons cause a nuclear winter. Humanity has approximately 12,000 (122x (95% CI: 42.6x-197x) apocalypses worth). Sacrificing one apocalypse of capacity (redirecting 1% of global military spending to pragmatic clinical trials) multiplies global trial capacity by 12.3, compressing the disease eradication queue from 443 years to 36 years and producing an approximately 4.1x (95% CI: 2.02x-8.62x)-larger global economy at year 15. The laugh count: DALYs averted × adult laughs per healthy life-year = 3.51 quadrillion laughs (95% CI: 1.61 quadrillion laughs-5.59 quadrillion laughs) additional human laughs, conservatively. This is three to four orders of magnitude more than every paid comedian in history combined. The joke is also responsible for the future existence of human consciousness, if enough humans wear it (the threshold is 1 million of people (95% CI: 100 thousand of people-5 million of people); see the cascade math below). Implementation: take a permanent marker into the closet of every human you do not want to suffer and die of preventable disease, write "this t-shirt ended war and disease" on the front of each shirt and "trade one apocalypse for disease eradication at warondisease.org" on the back, and wear it on August 6 (Earth Optimization Day). The seed program is paid for by an Earth Optimization Prize assurance contract for \$50 million (95% CI: \$1.23 million-\$420 million), refundable if the cascade fails. Summary: The funniest joke in universe history has been discovered. It takes the form of a t-shirt.