Parenting after shared trauma: mothers surviving near-lethal intimate partner violence

• The experience of parenting after surviving near-lethal IPV is under-researched. • The study focuses on mothers who survived near-lethal IPV alongside their children. • It reveals how shared trauma reshapes maternal roles and emotional presence. • The findings highlight long-term disruptions in safety, trust, and communication. • The study calls for trauma-informed, family-centered responses to post-IPV recovery. Despite growing research on women who have survived attempted intimate partner homicide (IPH), little is known about their experiences as parents, particularly when children are also involved. Existing literature often overlooks how surviving such violence alongside one’s children may shape parenting in the aftermath. Drawing on the theoretical framework of shared trauma, which emphasizes the relational and emotional interdependence of individuals who endure the same traumatic event, this study explores how mothers make sense of their parenting experiences after surviving an attempted IPH together with their children. Ten women who survived attempted IPH incidents in which at least one of their children was physically present, and in some cases also directly targeted, participated in semi-structured interviews that were analyzed using interpretative phenomenological analysis. Three experiential themes captured participants’ parenting experiences after the attack: Overlapping but Distinct: The competing recovery needs of mother and child survivors of shared trauma; The trauma feedback loop: Inadvertent mother–child trauma triggers, and Not a regular parent–child relationship: Closeness and distance in the parent–child dyadic relationship. The findings highlight the complex dynamics of parenting after a shared traumatic experience. Mothers and children were found to be emotionally intertwined, navigating both mutual support and reciprocal distress. Trauma-informed, family-centered interventions must support both mother and child as interconnected yet distinct recovery agents.