“I don’t feel like much of a gentleman (.) if I don’t pay (.) you know”: A Metapragmatic Perspective on Constructing Gender Identities in First Dates Ireland

Reality TV shows, such as First Dates Ireland, represent a site of gender co-construction which potentially influence audience language use conventions. At the same time, as largely unscripted discourse, such gender co-constructions may be claimed to mirror discursive patterns in Irish English. Research on Irish English in the media, particularly on unscripted media discourse, represents a research gap. Similarly, research on the interactional co-creation of gender roles in dating, and specifically in payment interaction, is limited, and represents a gap in the study of Irish English. The present paper explores gender co-construction as portrayed in payment negotiation interactions and experiential interview snippets broadcast on First Dates Ireland. Specifically, the study takes a metapragmatic perspective on heterosexual gender co-construction, with a focus on daters’ use of gendered categories, on their mobilisation of gender and on their indexing of stances towards discursive gender reproductions. Findings reveal both men and women to explicitly co-construct a traditional gendered identity and for these co-constructions to focus above all on men and their active role in extending payment offers. Men use metapragmatic references to gender and gender roles as objective grounders in payment offers. These serve a negative politeness strategy protecting women’s negative face. They also protect men’s positive face, ensuring that payment offers are not seen as social pleading, but rather dictated by social norms. Women use metapragmatic references to gender in offer acceptances, via compliments and gratitude, framing offers as socially appropriate. These references enhance men’s positive face, while protecting women’s negative face. Finally, challenges to norms, although not rejected outright, were negatively framed. The paper closes with a discussion of the implications of traditional gender reproduction in the media.