<i>Where do I stand?</i> A good mother or a good academician: an autoethnography of new working mothers

Purpose The purpose of this study is to explore the experiences of academic mothers in higher education institutions in the Indian subcontinent. In Indian society, while fathers and other caregivers may assist, the primary responsibility for physical and emotional caregiving typically falls on mothers. As a result, motherhood is often viewed as a uniquely gendered experience. This research explores how these women balance academic roles with caregiving responsibilities, highlighting the tension between the realities of academic motherhood and institutional productivity expectations. Design/methodology/approach The authors adopted an autoethnographic approach, integrating participant narratives alongside a year of reflective journaling. Anchored in feminist institutionalism (FI), role conflict theory and social role theory, this framework presents a rigorous interpretive approach that examines how academic mothers navigate competing demands and construct meaning within institutional contexts. Findings This study develops a conceptual triad encompassing everyday resistance, cognitive modularity and temporal fragmentation, which represent the strategies that academic mothers use to balance parenting and scholarship. Grounded in role conflict theory, social role theory and FI, this critique examines feminist literature on academic motherhood and labor in higher education. The analysis challenges the notion of continuous productivity linked to institutional excellence and reconceptualizes caregiving as a space for alternative academic practices. Research limitations/implications The findings of this interpretive autoethnographic study are context-dependent and should not be generalized statistically. However, they provide significant theoretical implications for re-examining the nature of gendered academic work as well as the interplay between caregiving identities and the culture of academic institutions. Practical implications To acknowledge caregiving as a significant component of academic identity, this study urges organizations within and beyond higher education institutions to critically reassess their existing policies and evaluation frameworks. This study advocates the development of more inclusive systems that consider mental health, offers temporal flexibility and equitably recognize the scholarly contributions of women. Originality/value This study contributes to feminist scholarship in academia by positioning caregiving as a significant and innovative avenue for knowledge production, rather than viewing it as an obstacle to knowledge production. Acknowledging the lived experiences of academic mothers within the wider context of academic achievement fosters a radical feminist framework for institutional reform.