Growing-up autistic: Sharing autistic children’s experiences and insights

There is a critical lack of exploration into the firsthand experiences of autistic children in the psychological literature. We sought to address this using baseline data from a wider mixed-methods study. A total of 136 autistic children (mean age = 10.35) completed an online questionnaire. Questions explored children's understanding of autism, their feelings about being autistic in different contexts and challenges experienced. Quantitative data revealed limited autism knowledge and understanding for some. Challenges included talking about being autistic and self-advocating for needs, especially with non-family members. Children generally recognised both strengths and challenges of being autistic, although concerns about feeling/being different were widespread, and masking common. Strikingly, although most children felt positive about being autistic at home, significantly fewer felt this to be true when around peers or teachers. Using reflexive thematic analysis, four main themes were developed: (1) overwhelming experiences, (2) unsafe people, (3) sanctuary and (4) autistic identity. Overall, the children felt safest at home with family and/or with autistic/neurodivergent/understanding friends, but most unsafe at school with their teachers and neurotypical peers, where victimisation was rife. These findings offer valuable insights into the lives of autistic children, and demand we explore how places of education can be transformed into safe spaces for autistic children.Lay abstractAutistic children are rarely asked directly about their own experiences. In this study, 136 autistic children (ages 8-14) shared their views through an online questionnaire. They were asked what being autistic means to them, how they feel about it and what challenges they face in different environments. Many said they knew little about autism, and most did not have the words to talk about being autistic or feel safe doing so. Talking was especially difficult outside the family; while over 60% felt comfortable with family, only 16.5% felt this way with other people. Children also told us how overwhelming everyday life can be. Noisy, crowded or unpredictable environments often caused distress or shutdown. Many described how strong emotions, especially anxiety, build up in these moments. Some lost the ability to speak, and tasks like decision-making or emotional regulation became especially hard and exhausting. School was often named as a major source of overwhelm. Children showed deep insight into the people around them. They were highly attuned to whether others, for example, friends, family, teachers or professionals, felt safe or unsafe. Feeling unsafe often meant being misunderstood, ignored or bullied. School peers were commonly described as sources of victimisation, and teachers as making children feel unsafe by not listening or misunderstanding their needs. When children did not trust those around them, they masked their autistic traits to avoid judgement. This came at a cost: many described exhaustion, loneliness or feeling like they had to hide who they really are. By contrast, home and trusted relationships, especially with neurodivergent family or friends, offered sanctuary. Children felt freer to be themselves, ask for what they need and talk about autism. Emergent positive autistic identities were evident in some children. These findings show autistic children are thoughtful, perceptive and deeply affected by their environments while simultaneously shining a bright light on the challenges growing up autistic in a neurotypical world. Their voices offer vital insights and a call to make schools and services safer, more respectful spaces.