Developing Tendering Masculinities: Towards a Poetics of Imperfect Soulful Aging

This conceptual and spiritual autoethnographic essay proposes tendering masculinities as a framework for late-life formation that moves men from performance to presence and from control to communion. Drawing on Jungian alchemy (nigredo, albedo, rubedo) and the movements of decolonizing, queering, and befriending, the piece integrates fieldnotes with theological and depth-psychological reflection to articulate three interwoven practices for elderhood: imperfection as belonging, brokenness as illumination, and holding opposites without hardening. The argument reframes masculine strength as reliable, relational tenderness expressed through micro-practices such as grief literacy, “weaponless speech,” soul friendship (anam cara), and collaborative mentorship within families and intergenerational relationships. Implications are offered for chaplaincy, pastoral counseling, spiritual direction, men’s groups, social work, and family or community contexts, with guidance on designing rituals of lament, contemplative listening, and communities of “steady tenderness.” By bridging depth psychology, poetic theology, and lived practice, the essay suggests that tendered masculinities can help families and relational systems cultivate stronger spiritual resilience, counter patterns of domination or disconnection, and contribute to communal healing. Limitations of single-author autoethnography and pathways for applied, practice-based research are noted.