"We only want authenticity if it’s neat and tidy”: vulnerability, chaos, and rule-breaking in GIRL, VANISHING

This paper explores whether mental anguish can ever be fully and adequately portrayed in novels, especially amid a publishing industry that values neatness of representation over authenticity. I examine how, on paper, my trauma-based young-adult novel was commended for its rawness and authenticity in its representation of mental health, yet industry professionals stated this same rawness prevented it from being suitable. “No one wants to read about people with voices in their heads who aren’t cured by the novel’s end,” advisors said, culminating in this manuscript being shelved. Yet this novel was me—my chaos, my messiness, my vulnerability. Encouraged to be honest and authentic, I had found a way to portray my mental anguish, but I was denied a platform because my truth was messy, and authenticity is only acceptable if it is ‘tidy’.