Negotiating Competing Sexual Rights: The Unwritten, Fragmented Norms for Making Romantic Advances in the Workplace

Scholars of sexual citizenship have articulated two rights—the right to pursue desired sexual activity and to avoid sexual harm—that may conflict when a person expresses romantic or sexual interest in a coworker. Although an advance may yield a desired relationship, it may also cause harm. To what extent is this tension recognized, and how do those who recognize it negotiate it? In interviews with 87 tech workers, only a quarter expressed concern that an advance may be harmful to a coworker. These interviewees resolved the tension through contradictory approaches: the self-restraint approach, in which interest is never expressed; the soft pursuit approach, in which interest is expressed indirectly; and the clear declaration approach, in which interest is expressed directly. This research points to the fragmented moral and normative terrain of romantic or sexual behavior, in which people perceive, weigh, and resolve possible harms in conflicting ways.