Still in scrubs: an autoethnographic narrative of teaching, learning, and leading in virtual spaces

Purpose This autoethnographic study examines how teaching a synchronous virtual leadership course for healthcare professionals during the COVID-19 pandemic transformed my pedagogical stance and understanding of relational leadership learning. The purpose is to illuminate how connection, autonomy and presence shaped learning dynamics across screens and influenced my development as an educator and leader. Design/methodology/approach Using an interpretivist, relational autoethnographic design, the inquiry draws on reflective journals, field notes and course artifacts generated during and after instruction. An inductive, iterative analytic process guided theme development, supported by memo writing, triangulation and reflexive journaling to establish trustworthiness. Relational-Cultural Theory and Self-Determination Theory provided a conceptual frame for interpreting moments of connection, autonomy and educator transformation within the virtual classroom. Narrative vignettes illustrate pivotal pedagogical encounters. Findings The findings reveal that relational presence, mutual empathy and autonomy-supportive practices shaped learners' engagement and motivated their leadership development. Students demonstrated agency, collaborative problem-solving and cross-departmental connection, even while navigating workplace strain. The virtual environment amplified vulnerability and authenticity, leading to reciprocal learning and a shift in my teaching stance – from structured content delivery to relationally responsive, co-created leadership learning. These insights highlight how leadership development unfolds through connection and self-directed growth, particularly in virtual settings. Research limitations/implications As an autoethnography, the findings reflect a single educator's experience within a specific healthcare context and are not generalizable. However, the study expands methodological conversations in leadership education by illustrating how autoethnography can capture educator transformation, relational dynamics and virtual pedagogical practice. Future research should explore relational and motivational processes across diverse virtual leadership programs and examine how educators' reflective practice shapes learning outcomes. Practical implications The study offers concrete guidance for leadership educators and facilitators of virtual programs. Designing synchronous learning environments that support autonomy, competence and relatedness can enhance student engagement and voice. Practices such as structured reflection, flexible assessments and collective dialogue foster trust and co-created meaning. Educators are encouraged to hold their teaching structures lightly, cultivate presence and lean into responsive facilitation to strengthen relational pedagogy in online settings. Originality/value This study contributes to leadership education scholarship by demonstrating how autoethnography can illuminate educator transformation within virtual learning environments. It offers a theoretically integrated account of how Relational-Cultural Theory and Self-Determination Theory operate together as a pedagogy of connection and agency. The vignettes provide rare insights into real-time leadership learning across screens and highlight the potential of relational, responsive virtual teaching to foster authentic leadership development.