Vulnerability as Professional Testimony: An Autoethnography of Panic and Hormonal Transition in an Academic Context

In this autoethnographic study, I examine the re-emergence of a panic episode experienced as a licensed health psychologist and university lecturer after a 14-year symptom-free period. The episode occurred in the academic workplace minutes before a major institutional event and in the aftermath of a significant personal transition: My daughter's wedding. This narrative is positioned at the intersection of midlife hormonal transitions, accumulated emotional labor, and internalized expectations of professional invulnerability within academic settings. Using a reflexive autoethnographic approach, I analyze the somatic dimensions of psychological distress, the role of embodied memory, and the gendered burden of emotional regulation in caregiving professions. This experience is not interpreted as a failure of psychological expertise but as a meaningful disruption that exposes the limits of the resilient self. In my findings, I emphasize the necessity of institutional frameworks to legitimize vulnerability, promote embodied self-awareness, and integrate reflective practices in professional development. With this contribution, I aim to broaden the discourse on mental health in academia by situating lived experience as both valid data and epistemological insight.