The Shaping of Contemporary Morality in Intimacy Decision-Making in Britain

In this paper I aim to draw attention to the continued emphasis on ‘moral tales in stories of family construction. In research projects on both conventional family practices such as marriage and non-conventional ones such as living apart together (LAT) and mixed-sex civil partnerships, morality continues to emerge as a core guiding principle for how relationships are organised and maintained. Yet beyond the importance of children in these moral tales, little consideration is given to the other dimensions and shapes that this ‘morality’ may take. Here I bring together three qualitative research projects to illustrate the strong drive of moral obligations in the face of family fluidity, relationship plurality, and individualised therapeutic discourse. With this data I argue that obligations continue to organise relationship decision-making, and we can imagine these obligations as formed of three interrelated dimensions: (1) social ‘oughts’, formed of culture, norms, and values (e.g., we ought to get married because that is the normal thing to do in our society), (2) relational ‘oughts’, including children, family, friends, life/family course, death, health (e.g., we ought to live apart to protect the children), and (3) individual ‘oughts’, which involve strongly held personal beliefs, and an ethic of self-care (e.g., we ought to get a civil partnership because it aligns with my feminist values). Understanding the shape of contemporary intimate morality is an important step in developing future theory, policy, and practice in the field.