What fieldwork accounts cannot reveal: A personal history of practicing sociology

Abstract Fieldwork accounts involve a certain amount of self-staging, often intertwined with a self-analytical or reflexive dimension. However, the principle of truthfulness expected from such narratives conflicts with two key imperatives that limit its scope: demonstrating competence and appearing beyond reproach. The degree of reflexivity thus varies depending on the specific situation and characteristics of each researcher at a given time, but also on the political and moral state of society and the academic world. After providing a historical overview of the main existing approaches, I will outline the circumstances that led me to a certain level of self-disclosure, more calculated and misleading than it may seem, regarding investigations with a strong personal involvement: nomadic populations, activists from the National Front, and a dear friend named Martial. I report the rhetorical subterfuges I employed: omitting my homosexuality and its various consequences in the course of the research, keeping quiet about dreams of revenge after a nunchaku attack, and saying nothing either of seduction or desire, or the anxiety of violence. I also show how, with time, age and a more secure professional standing, I have made use of information about myself that was meaningful for analysis, and yet painful to reveal.