‘If the father says so, that’s how it is’

This paper builds on findings from the first systematic study of military families in Slovenia (2019–2022) to critically examine how military families are perceived and constructed within broader sociocultural and institutional frameworks. Using perspectives from family studies, military sociology, defense studies, and critical military theory, the study investigates whether these perceptions continue to reproduce the traditional binary logic that positions the family as a feminized, private domain and the military as a masculinized, public domain, or whether late modern discourses have begun to disrupt these dichotomies. The analysis focuses on the intersection of gender roles, family practices, parental responsibilities, and the symbolic and practical meanings ascribed to the notion of the “military family.” We used a reflexive approach to thematic analysis, combining qualitative interviews with young adults (aged > 18) who grew up in military families (14 participants), interviews with military and civilian experts (41 participants), survey data from service members, their spouses, and civilian respondents (411 and 125 open-ended responses from separate surveys). Findings reveal significant differences in how military families are understood and experienced. More critically, the study highlights how military institutional power and its greediness extend into the familial realm, not only through logistical demands, but also through the normalization of military values, hierarchical gendered expectations, and parenting practices.