Can I dance over the bodies of the dead? On the impossibility of participant observation

Abstract This article is an autoethnographic essay on the challenges of conducting participant observation in times of crises, both on a personal and on a national level. To summarize, I trace the evolution of my own personal research itinerary, which focuses on Beirut's leisure and clubbing scene during the internal political turmoil in Lebanon and, later on, the 2024 war with Israel. Finally, I examine the impact of these events on my very ability to conduct research, how they affected my relationship to the field and, ultimately, the decisions I needed to make. In conclusion, this essay adds to a growing body of research on ethnography in dangerous times and places: what becomes of research when research becomes impossible?