Tend, befriend, or level the field: How women navigate competition in friendships

Women’s friendships are deeply personal, serving as emotional anchors and vital sources of support for them. This makes their loss particularly painful (Benenson & Christakos, 2003; Eisenberger et al., 2003). These bonds buffer against stress and enhance well-being but can also be challenged by competition (Benenson et al., 2008; Gottman, 1986). This research examines how women navigate competition within friendships through two complementary studies, replicating and extending Benenson & Schinazi (2004) by incorporating physiological stress responses and behavioral strategies to assess relational impacts. Study 1 examined physiological and emotional responses to competition, while Study 2 explored behavioral strategies, testing predictions from the tend-and-befriend model and relational aggression theory. Findings indicate that women felt most at ease when outcomes were equal between themselves and their friends, expecting positive reactions in equal conditions but negative responses when outperforming their friends. Friendship competition was linked to increased physiological stress, with lower RSA indicating heightened stress responses. Birth control use moderated stress, with naturally cycling women exhibiting lower RSA, suggesting heightened physiological stress and reduced autonomic regulation compared to birth control users. In Study 2, women overwhelmingly favored tend-and-befriend behaviors over aggression, prioritizing relationship maintenance in competitive scenarios. These findings highlight the central role of friendships in women’s well-being and suggest that social harmony remains a priority in female competition, even at the cost of personal success.