The attractive personality: Like me, but better

People tend to prefer mates who are similar to themselves, yet also desire partners with specific characteristics. The relative importance of assortative and absolute preferences might differ for big five and political personality. We examined partner preferences at the facet level of the big five framework and compared them with preferences regarding a key political personality trait—social dominance orientation (SDO). We also assessed how average preferences in one sex align with actual average trait levels in the opposite sex. We analyzed correlations and mean differences between self-ratings and ideal partner ratings, and compared average preferences with opposite-sex trait means among 538 Norwegian students, using a survey comprising social dominance orientation (SDO-7) and the IPIP-NEO-60. Both sexes preferred partners similar to themselves on big five traits and SDO, particularly for SDO. Systematic differences also emerged between self-ratings and ideal partner ratings, especially for neuroticism, where both sexes preferred lower levels. We observed mismatches between preferred and actual trait levels—for example, men's average desired agreeableness matched women's average, but women's preferred level exceeded men's actual average. These findings suggest that ideal partner preferences are shaped by one's own traits, especially for political personality, but some traits (e.g., low neuroticism) are broadly preferred across individuals.