The ties that bother: Difficult relationships in the personal networks of older adults

Theorizations of social exchanges often assume that people prefer interactions with supportive others but avoid others they perceive as demanding or difficult. Yet, many social relationships are ambivalent, i.e., entail a combination of positive and negative interactions. We refer to difficult relationships as ties with an equal and high share of both elements or ties where the net balance of these two elements is outweighed by negativity. This study inquires how many difficult relationships prevail in the personal network in late life and where they originate. Survey data are from the Longitudinal Aging Study Amsterdam (LASA) on egocentric networks. The sample comprised 892 respondents (mean age 73; range 61–100) and their 4273 network members. Models consist of mixed effects and logistic regressions for explaining difficulty on the relationship level and the network level. We found that 15 % of older adults engage in difficult relationships. The difficulty was most often found in involuntary relationships (with siblings, parents, neighbors), and relationships characterized by low receipt but high provision of emotional support, and high volatility. The difficulty in a personal network was more likely for older adults embedded in instable networks and networks that yielded difficult relationships among members in their network. People may face structural constraints that pressure them to continue engaging socially with others, even if they sometimes find them to be difficult. Research should take these ties seriously, as negative ties may bother more than positive ties benefit older adults. • Fifteen percent of older adults report having one or more difficult relationship. • Difficulty was most often found in involuntary relationships. • Difficulty was likely in networks with difficult relationships among other network members.