“People different from us, really do exist”: Sameness and otherness in couple relationships and in social relations

In this article, I address the theme of otherness in romantic relationships and social interactions. This key issue, stemming from the concept of narcissistic modes of functioning, is illustrated through clinical material and Ronald Britton’s theory. Following Mary Morgan (2018), I relate this idea to couple dynamics. I discuss the two types of narcissistic relationships described by Britton: narcissistic adhesive and narcissistic withdrawal. Clinical cases are used to exemplify each of these relational patterns. Subsequently, I attempt to demonstrate that, on a societal level, we also appear to operate using narcissistic modes of relating. This is particularly evident in the context of migration crises. Such a situation occurred in Poland with the onset of Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine in 2022. Polish society was then confronted with the necessity of receiving a large influx of refugees and managing the dynamics arising from these encounters. I regard quarrels, conflicts, struggles over values or emptiness, silence, and distance as ways in which couples regulate intimacy–litmus tests revealing how they navigate both the shared space and the space they provide for their relationship. Similarly, societies facing an influx of outsiders may enter into narcissistic conflict with them, isolate them, or seek more mature ways of sharing space.