Wise blame wins the blame game: Tempered blame and a touch of forgiveness toward peers improves peer relationships and the blamer's mental health

Introduction: Being an intense blamer is bad for one's relationships and for one's mental health. Although existing literature provides strong support for these harmful impacts of blame, the relevant studies examine a narrow set of relationship types and a narrow type of blame. Our goal in this article is to extend the blame literature by examining the relational and mental health harms of blame in novel relationship settings (peer relations among emerging adults) and with respect to novel blame-eliciting events (everyday transgressions). Method: In Study 1, we collected survey responses from sorority sisters at the beginning of a semester (T1) and again several weeks later (T2). Results: We found that sisters who were intense blamers of peers at T1 were significantly less well-liked and less mentally healthy at T2 than would be expected based on their T1 likability and mental health. These detrimental impacts of blame were particularly strong among sisters whose blame did not co-occur with any compassion for peer transgressors. Method: In Study 2, we took an experimental approach. College roommates attended a Wise Blame Workshop (or not). Results: We found that the workshop improved several different blame-related beliefs and practices and that these improvements mediated beneficial impacts of the workshop on relationship quality and mental health. Discussion: Our findings underscore the importance of what we call “wise blame,” and they widen the scope within which one should expect to find detrimental impacts of blame on relationships and on mental health. Finally, our results suggest that blame-related interventions might be helpful for ameliorating the epidemics of social disconnection and mental illness that are plaguing teens and emerging adults.