The Twelve Steps of Emily

The methodology of this project aims to showcase the complex overlapping of Kavan and my life through the lens of Affect Theory, and memoir. My goal is to tie together our lives through a kinship that is rooted in historical resonance and explained through the relationship of emotion and behavior analyzed in Affect theory. I want to pull my audience through a troubling reality, dealing with the active decision to forget or remember our past, and how we behave moving forward based on such a decision. My other motivation for choosing this style is to showcase the growth of my emotional and professional identity and highlight how it has been shaped through my experiences and language. The experience of being a child of an addict and dealing with the often-tumultuous relationship that exists between my mother and myself. Language is important, because it was not until I read Anna Kavan, that I finally started to understand my emotions and behavior. Her ambiguous metaphors, nameless characters, and ominous settings are tools that help her express and process her trauma. Kavan's skill with words resonates with me. Her craft influences the creative choices I make about expressing my trauma. Affect Theory helps explain this need to control my emotions with my writing and why my emotions so heavily influence my writing. My long-term goal is to expand this project into what I hope would become the beginning of my potential dissertation, should I decide to pursue a PhD after this program.