A Phenomenological Study of Women’s Discovery of Infidelity in Long-term Relationships

The purpose of this phenomenological study was to describe the lived experience of women in long-term marriages in the Spokane, Washington area when they discovered their husbands’ infidelity. All of the women in this study developed symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) following the discovery of their husbands’ infidelity, however, infidelity is not recognized as a criterion A event for a formal diagnosis. Attachment theory provided the theoretical framework from which to understand the trauma responses of these women better. During the semi-structured interviews, the women described the discovery of infidelity as a traumatic and life-changing event. The research questions provided a framework for the women to share their immediate reactions during discovery and reflect on the long-lasting consequences on their lives. Key themes revealed that suspecting infidelity did not lessen its impact, and that discovery was intense and debilitating, affecting the women emotionally, physically, and cognitively. Themes showed that women often assumed responsibility for their husbands’ infidelity and that the betrayal was a life-defining moment that significantly reshaped their perception of self and others, as well as damaging their ability to trust and feel safe. These findings reveal that the discovery of infidelity is a life-altering event, the impact of which is comparable to other criterion A events, thereby indicating the need to reconsider the diagnostic criteria for PTSD.