Lived Experiences of Initial Romantic Attraction in Codependent and Non-Codependent Women: A Qualitative Study

Codependency is seen to have a negative impact on individuals right from the first meeting with a prospective partner through the painful ending of the relationship. Despite the inner turmoil it causes, affected individuals continue to repeatedly gravitate toward dysfunctional partners. This study explored the phenomena of codependency and initial romantic attraction to see if there were any differences in the descriptions of lived experience between the codependent and non-codependent participants. During this qualitative study, ten codependent and ten non-codependent women underwent in-depth semi-structured, one-on-one interviews to gain deeper insights on their perception of attraction, initial attraction to past relational partners and family-of-origin experiences. Seven themes emerged from the data. Four themes from the codependent participant group were (1) Creating the Perfect Mate, (2) Initial Persona Didn’t Match the Person, (3) Family-of-Origin Issues Affecting Attraction, (4) Attraction Stemming from Deficit Within Self, and three themes from the non-codependent participant group were (1) Creating the Perfect Mate, (2) Growing Attraction from Compatibility and Comfortability, (3) Family Modeling Encouraging Attraction. The results of this data could then be utilized to form the groundwork for therapeutic professionals, church counseling and women’s ministry programs alike while providing new tools to respond to the intricate web of the codependent’s unhealthy relational patterns within the couple system. By gaining new insights on why this phenomenon continues to transpire, women can be empowered to make healthier relationship choices for themselves, thus ultimately establishing stronger marriages and families for their future.