Silent subversions and negotiations: An interview with a married effeminate man in the MSM community

Shambu is a member of staff at the MSM branch of a non-profit organisation in urban Bangalore, India, who works on HIV/STI awareness and prevention. His daily life is a careful balance between family responsibilities, his job, multiple sexual partners and sex work. This piece shares Shambu’s reflections on his early experiences with sexuality, his engagement in cruising sites, gender performance, engagement with male sex workers, non-consensual sex and the financial realities that shape his life, including his involvement in activism. Defying rigid identity boundaries and societal expectations, he openly discusses his relationships with both men and his wife while expressing a desire to be transgender. He recalls a significant relationship with a man he called his ‘panthi’, marked by an intricate dynamic of emotions, sex, dominance, economic exchange and silence. His narrative offers a nuanced exploration of identity, gender, sexuality, activism, consent, morality and economic survival in Bangalore. It defies the hegemonic structure of society by challenging the binary construction of gender and sexuality.