“Will I ever be at ease?” – autoethnographic vignettes of doing gender research in entrepreneurship

Purpose This autoethnographic paper explores the affective and reflexive experiences of a junior female researcher investigating gendered norms within an accelerator’s pitch training sessions. Inspired by the notion of “writing differently” and employing Sara Ahmed’s (2019) concepts of “use” and “ease”, the paper provides access to the journey of being “out of place,” gaining “ease” by following the well-used path and struggling between easiness and uneasiness. Design/methodology/approach The study adopts an evocative autoethnographic approach. Observation data (more than 120 pages) were collected over two summers (2021–2022) through detailed fieldnotes taken before, during and after pitch sessions. Findings The findings tell a story about “the path toward ease and breaking the ease”, illustrating three narratives: (1) In the midst of feeling uneasy, (2) Finding ease by following the used paths and (3) Will I ever be at ease? The findings show how norms tied to entrepreneurial masculinity – such as assertiveness, risk-taking and resilience – shape who feels “at ease” and how. By gradually adapting to these norms, the author gained access and acceptance but also experienced tension between fitting in and resisting. Research limitations/implications The paper contributes to affect theory and gender in entrepreneurship by showing how familiarity with dominant norms can reproduce inequality. It highlights the emotional labor of researchers navigating fieldwork, especially when researching gendered environments. Ease is shown as a relational affect shaped through repeated exposure to normalized practices. Social implications By highlighting how pitching norms and structures may disadvantage women, the study brings attention to the systemic barriers women entrepreneurs face. Although exploratory, the findings can inform public discourse and serve as a foundation for future policy initiatives aimed at creating more inclusive and equitable support structures. In doing so, the study encourages societal reflection on how entrepreneurship can be made more accessible to underrepresented groups. Originality/value The study contributes to gender and entrepreneurship literature by integrating affect theory and “use” theory into business studies and demonstrating how autoethnography can reveal hidden affective dimensions of entrepreneurship. Additionally, the study offers new insights into gendered norms beyond policy barriers and simple comparison between male and female entrepreneurial actors.