“What baby?”: creative disavowal during second pregnancy – a protective parallel world

Pregnancy and early motherhood are periods of great psychic demands, in part, due to the various physical changes the mother faces. Women may have a wide range of experiences during this time due to various factors: their early childhood, internal objects, current relationships and environment, as well as their physical state. This paper will explore the experiences of three women, who before starting analysis, had suffered extreme and prolonged physical difficulties in their first pregnancies or post-partum periods, which gave rise to claustrophobic panic and feelings of disintegration. Once in analysis, the three women each went on to have a second baby. Each mother navigated her second pregnancy through a complex process of disavowal of her unborn baby, which I have termed 'creative disavowal' as it allowed an intermediate area which protected them and their baby from the violent bodily experiences, primitive anxieties, and hatred that they felt, as well as opened space for more passionate feelings to unfold and take shape. The analytic work in each case involved giving meaning to the mother's somatic experiences, and containing her intense hostile and primitive unconscious phantasies, whilst also creating space for the psychological or imagined baby to be born and held.