Dynamics of adult child‐parent estrangement

Experts posit an epidemic of loneliness in our world. Estrangement is a component of this loneliness, where relationships between parents, their adult children, and grandchildren are disrupted through painful distancing. Psychological and societal pressures compound these estrangements. Family rupture comes from family and relationship histories, including transgenerational transmission of trauma, as well as individual temperament and personality differences. In this article, I apply psychoanalytic theories to estranged families in treatment to create understanding and suggest strategies for repairing rupture. I will refer to the concept of “family state of mind”, based on Mary Morgan’s “couple state of mind” and developed in my own article (Sinsheimer, 2021). I suggested there that object-relations family therapists, by holding in their minds the minds of all family members, are able to locate family conflicts and identify dysfunctional dynamics. Identifying and interpreting pressures within the family system can lead to resolution that offers new opportunities for loving, respectful connection as the family potentially reconstitutes and grows together.