What Lies Between Them? Exploring Relational Dynamics Among Hetero‐Gay Co‐Parents

ABSTRACT Objective This study seeks to enhance knowledge of the relationships between elective co‐parents in hetero‐gay families. Background Elective co‐parenting is an alternative family form that encompasses parents who are not intimate partners but decide to collaborate for the purpose of having children and raising them together. Co‐parenting families in Israel are mostly headed by a heterosexual mother and a gay father, called hetero‐gay families in the literature. Method To learn about how parents in hetero‐gay families experience the relationship with their parenting partner, a qualitative study was conducted based on 12 semi‐structured in‐depth interviews with parents in hetero‐gay families (six fathers and six mothers). The interviews followed the interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA) research method. Findings In the study it was found that parents' experience of the relationship with their parenting partner is based on three major elements: trust, partnership, and emotional closeness. Based on these elements, a conceptual model was developed, including four relationship profiles that reflect different “affinity degrees” (degrees of connection strength). Conclusion The study indicates that relationships between co‐parents can be experienced variably and with different degrees of affinity, affected by the parents' experiences concerning issues of trust, partnership, and emotional closeness. This insight can help direct interventions by family therapists to these relevant core issues, as well as outlining the utilization of relational intervention methods capable of reinforcing one's sense of affinity in family relations.