The Autistic Strife for Autonomy: Modeling Sensory Integration Challenges with the Metaphysics of Spinoza and Maimonides

Although autism is a complex condition, sensory integration challenges are discussed as a common root. Autistic autobiographies revolve around a core problem with moving in the world and thereby achieving and maintaining a unified, integrated mind. In this paper, I formulate a paradox of existence, based on my own first-person experience with autism, the basic structure of which can also be found in other first-person accounts. Then, I develop a philosophical model for conceptualizing this paradoxical experience. I suggest that we can speak of the autistic mind as striving for an extreme form of autonomy, which can be understood by reference to the metaphysics of Spinoza: mind becomes autonomous by representing the world as internal to itself, instead of external interference. This strife can be pursued in both hypnotic states and ambitious mastery, but none of these strategies can be sustainable for long, and each has existential risks. By comparing Spinoza with his historical predecessor Maimonides, we can distinguish two different ethical attitudes toward this mental strife, which in the past has been conceptualized as a strife for knowing God. This philosophical model, based on an autoethnographic analysis, can be a resource for self-reflection of autistic subjects, who can craft a coherent self-image in light of paradoxical experiences, establish a positive framework for conceptualizing their condition and gain existential freedom by finding their own path in navigating their extreme strife beyond a narrow medical picture of autism.