The Transition to Parenthood Among Gay Fathers via Surrogacy: Thoughts, Feelings, and Ambiguous Loss

Abstract Introduction Surrogacy is an increasingly viable path to parenthood for same-gender male couples, yet little research has explored their emotional and social experiences. This study qualitatively examined gay fathers’ transition to parenthood via cross-border surrogacy, by focusing on emotional processes, boundary ambiguity, and relationships with “reproductive third others” (i.e., egg donors and surrogates), from conception decision-making to childbirth. Methods A total of 30 gay fathers (comprising 15 couples; M age = 40.47, SD = 2.93) of 22 children ( M age = 5.36, SD = 1.89; 50% assigned female at birth), residing in Belgium and France, participated in a joint semi-structured interview. Results Reflexive thematic analysis identified four overarching themes: (1) “Fostering the desire to become a parent: from mourning to hope”; (2) “Surrogacy as a roller-coaster: long-distance pregnancy, practical complexities, and emotional ambivalence”; (3) “Disclosing surrogacy origins to the child: transparency in evolving narratives”; and (4) “‘Third others’ in procreation and the recognition of double fatherhood.” Conclusions This study confirms that surrogacy for gay fathers is not merely a reproductive method but a complex emotional and relational experience, marked by unique stressors such as emotional ambivalence, legal uncertainty, and the challenges of maintaining cross-border relationships with surrogates. Policy Implications To support gay father families, policies must ensure inclusive, harmonized legal recognition of intended parents, provide equitable access to surrogacy regardless of sexual orientation, and establish cross-border support systems—alongside comprehensive training for professionals to address the nuanced realities of LGBTQ+ family formation.