Helping or holding back? How attachment relates to the regulation of others in close and distant relationships

We examined how adult attachment orientations relate to the strategies people use to regulate others' emotions (extrinsic emotion regulation) across two studies. In Study 1 (N = 218), participants reported their use of eight strategies (e.g., valuing, receptive listening, humour, distraction, downward comparison, expressive suppression) alongside measures of attachment anxiety and avoidance. Anxious attachment was associated with greater use of high-involvement strategies — particularly valuing, listening, and direct action. Avoidant attachment was associated with lower use of these supportive strategies. Neither dimension was significantly associated with low-involvement, distancing strategies. Study 2 (N = 453) tested whether attachment effects varied by relationship closeness (romantic partner vs. acquaintance). Participants reported greater use of supportive strategies with romantic partners. Attachment avoidance predicted lower engagement across both contexts. Attachment anxiety predicted greater support use overall, but anxious individuals were especially likely to use receptive listening with acquaintances. Together, the findings suggest that attachment insecurity is systematically linked to interpersonal emotion regulation: anxiously attached individuals are active but possibly strategic regulators, while avoidant individuals disengage regardless of context. These patterns have implications for how emotional support is provided and received in close relationships. We discuss implications for attachment theory and interpersonal emotion regulation, and identify directions for future research. • Attachment anxiety was associated with greater use of high-involvement extrinsic emotion regulation strategies. • Attachment avoidance predicted lower use of supportive strategies across both romantic and non-close contexts. • Relationship closeness increased the use of strategies like valuing and receptive listening. • Anxiously attached individuals used more receptive listening with acquaintances than with romantic partners. • Avoidantly attached individuals showed reduced emotional engagement regardless of relational closeness.