Maintaining Sexual Intimacy, While Living Apart Together Transnationally (LATT)

Abstract for Love Studies Conference-2 <br/>14-16 MARCH 2025<br/>Maintaining Sexual Intimacy, While Living Apart Together Transnationally<br/>Research background: This paper explores maintaining the sexual relationship of couples who live apart across nations yet are intimately attached. Living under the same roof and sharing geographical proximity is often considered a defining feature of intimate couples, however, challenged by increased globalisation and an increasing number of couples living apart together (LAT) in the past decades. This phenomenon, especially sexual aspects, has received limited academic attention and is investigated through a newly coined term – living apart together transnationally (LATT).<br/>The aims of the study and methods:The empirical study forming the basis of this paper had an interdisciplinary theoretical framework, though drawing primarily from social - psychology with a decolonising approach. Broad social contexts, including immigration policies and the normative ‘gender- order’ form a background. Maintaining intimacy through distance was explored through legal and social matters, followed by emotional aspects, concepts of digital technology, physical intimacy, and spirituality. The participants were current/former LATT couples residing in two countries for at least one year, primarily because of their jobs /education and having elements of choice in living apart. Besides Denmark, the participants lived in ten countries. Methodologically, a qualitative research approach was used. In-depth, face-to-face or online interviews were conducted with 20 couples, 17 heterosexual and three in same-sex relationships. The narratives were subjected to interpretive thematic analysis.<br/>Highlights of results and conclusions: Most couples were able to maintain this unconventional form of intimate relationships across nations. Digital technology contributes to maintaining emotional intimacy for many and physical for some. Cherishing the memories of sexual togetherness when they were apart, reflected in OSA, telephone sex, are some of the ways. OSA (online sexual activities), specifically sexting associated with 'partnered – arousal activities' shows various forms, though some couples use only in the first phase of their love relationship. However, a number of participants are hesitant about online sexual activity, focusing on the negative aspects, such as a deep mistrust of social media, considering it a vehicle of power. Missing the touch of the partner, is yet another negative aspect of online sexual activity, partly countered by Haptics. Consensual non-monogamous CNM, an umbrella term involving 'open sexual relations with other persons/ 'don't ask, don't tell’ along with continued emotional exclusivity, is one of the ways to avoid jealousy as well as fulfilling a sexual need among a couple, who participated in the study. Overall, 4-5% of people in a relationship are currently part of a CNM relationship. The final finding is that love and intimacy go beyond physical, sexual gratification, and the use of digital technology, and includes trust, commitment, understanding, shared knowledge, spirituality and beyond. <br/> There is more to love than loving.<br/><br/>