Navigating Care and Loss Through Aging, Disease, and Decision-Making in The Covid Era

There is only one of the loved one you know.Often it can be hard to let go. Five years old the world became cold. Lost my mother to breast cancer. A cold wound that can’t be answered Father raised you in a foreign land. Drove you to school, combed your hair, gave you a life you could have never planned. Taught me that I would catch a cold from the wind. No arguing about modern medicine, my dad was thick skinned, Here comes college, first generation, what an exciting time. Get to medical school so exciting; here comes the climb. Up so high then you fell and broke your hip. I am not well equipped. At eighty years old, The world is cold, Unable to walk, dementia wrought, Not eating, not talking and confused, Father this is not good news. Your hip replaced, Foreign place, you lost all your social cues, Your malnutrition grows worse. Sitting isolated in the “covid-verse”. Decisions, decisions; nutritional status is declining. Michael, your father is not dining. Do you want a feeding tube, he is withering away? We never discussed his goals of care, but sir, I need an answer by today, Pursued the tube, started the tube feeds. Covid19 MRNA vaccine trending on the newsfeeds. Six feet social distancing in the nursing facility. Being unable to hug my dad was killing me. Vaccine administered, time passed pandemic better under control, Now I am loading up my dad in a wheelchair and we are taking a stroll, Driving you to restaurants, combing your hair, and watching the game. The tables had turned but now life without you is not the same. There is only one of you in my world. You are experiencing reoccurring pneumonias, Worsening of dementia, Losing your ability to swallow, is not something that I follow. I can understand the pathophysiology, but I cannot comprehend that you are sick, No more labs, no more unnecessary sticks, Hospice gave you comfort you with comfort in your final days, Glad I could be near. I love you dad, the time was dear.