Memorias de un enactment: Entretejiendo historias que sostienen y dificultan la relación terapéutica

Analyzing an analytic experience usually leaves us with more questions than answers, but questions are necessary in our profession, not because we are looking for a concrete answer, but rather because it leads us to try to understand a subjective experience, generating a dynamic and complex process of understanding. Precisely the above led me to write this work. In the analysis with some patients, I continually questioned myself: What makes us able to tolerate aggression? What makes us feel the need to set a limit? Does it have to do with us and with what connects with our own history? Perhaps it is related to lost parts of our being that come into play with those of someone else, of someone who impacts us and who, in the best of cases, leads us to self-analysis or sends us back to the couch to make sense of the experience. If we can understand it in this way, we can give way to the look of mutuality and transformation for the analytic couple. This paper narrates my experience with Kevin, encounters that, due to the impact of their violent content, led me to re-analyze parts of my life, my relationships, my position as a psychotherapist and patient in psychoanalysis. Being able to yield to mutuality and analyze an enactment led me to find the strength to sustain the sessions and do what was within my reach to try to accompany Kevin, just as my analyst has done with me, but also to establish a limit that would protect both of us when it became necessary.