Exploring secrecy through the mother-child relationship where there has been domestic violence and abuse: challenging discourses of mother blaming

The identity of motherhood is significantly and purposefully attacked within the context of domestic violence and abuse. An inability for survivors to prevent this attack can be viewed as a ‘failure’ in their mother role and one that can be used to further victimize. Understanding the conditions in which mothering happens through listening to and sharing stories provides a less pathologizing lens that can challenge mother-blaming discourses. This research focused on the lived experience of four mothers (post-separation) drawing on a phenomenological methodology exploring concepts of secrecy and agency through individual qualitative interviews. The sharing of accounts and the focus on meaning as it is experienced by the ‘experiencer’ is a key feature of phenomenological methodology. This approach allowed for a closer look at the mother–child relationship and the complex ways in which it can be attacked. Stories provided a way of understanding how mothers made sense of their experience of abuse; how they used and understood secrecy with their children, and how it had impacted upon their relationship and the opportunities for help seeking. Mothers’ narratives demonstrated degrees of decision making and agency, and references to their own children’s agency ran throughout mothers’ accounts. Findings have implications for research and intervention, and for policy that is specific to the Welsh context, which was where the study was located.