Language Teacher Educator Wellbeing in Online Classes: An Analytic Autoethnography

ABSTRACT The ability to sustain personal wellbeing is a central part of language teacher educators' emotional expertise, as they need to navigate multiple complexities that put their wellbeing at risk. There is a growing influx of studies that showcase the influencing factors of wellbeing among pre‐ and in‐service language teachers, with language teacher educators receiving scarce attention. In this paper, I use an autoethnographic lens to reflexively explore the trajectories of my wellbeing in online classes as a university‐based language teacher educator in Türkiye, alongside examining the challenges and strengths which led to ups and downs in my wellbeing. The analysis of journal entries and self‐ratings of wellbeing in a 12‐week online course portrays the constantly evolving and multifaceted nature of my wellbeing emerging from the interplay of individual, relational, contextual, and affective dynamics. The results also indicate how the mediation of my emotional dissonance by more experienced peers served as a catalyst that drove my development forward. Overall, my stories suggest that autoethnographic writing has the potential to prompt critical thinking on ways to build resilience and serve as a means for self‐discovery through creating a rich space for teacher educators to uncover multiple (invisible) layers, complexities, and dilemmas of their wellbeing.