‘Because like if you feel guilty, then it’s usually a sign’: on the role of emotions in conceptualising infidelity

Existing research suggests that people employ fluid understandings of infidelity and conceptualise it in relation to, for example, emotional outcomes rather than as a static set of (physical) behaviours. Seeking to explore the underlying mechanisms of this process, this article examines how emotions are negotiated in conceptualisations and meanings of infidelity. This question is investigated through a thematic analysis of 17 semi-structured interviews with young adults in England who experienced, according to their perspective, infidelity. I show that not only what participants did but also how they or their partner felt was invoked in classifying a practice as infidelity. Namely, emotions serve as a cultural repertoire to negotiate infidelity by drawing on internalised feeling rules in relation to genuine, ‘lived’ feelings. However, the presence and absence of feelings are drawn on differently in that emotions are only invoked in conceptualising what is not infidelity – rather than what it is. Against this background, I argue that we need to examine not only when and why people engage in emotion work but equally when they instead engage in assigning a (new) frame to a practice. By showcasing what people say or think about infidelity as well as their lived experiences, this article underlines the need to explore both discourse and practice – and their interplay – in research on infidelity.