“That 3-word-ultimatum”

Abstract I love you is among the most meaningful utterances in English speakers’ organization of intimacy, yet remains understudied by scholars of language. This article investigates metapragmatic discourse about the first exchange of I love you between romantic partners using data from the social media platform Reddit. The discourse reveals a normative model in which I love you functions not only as an expression of emotion but a speech act that is ideologically constructed as committing the speaker and inviting the listener onto a relationship path that includes monogamy, long-term commitment, and eventually cohabitation and marriage. Normative discourses about and practices surrounding I love you thereby bolster the hypervalorization of romantic relationships, the validation of jealousy and possessiveness as expressions of love, and the naturalization of monogamy and normative Western family structures. Drawing on discourses of polyamory, asexuality, and disability/neurodivergence, we point to alternative possibilities for love’s meaning and expression.