‘I love my country even if it does not love me back’

This article aims to understand how the (im)possibility of emigration impacts queer post-Soviet identities, narratives, and everyday life. It is based on two studies: one biographical interview study conducted in Russia, and one conducted in Kazakhstan using in-depth narrative interviews. As a result of the high rate of homophobia, queer people from both countries contemplate emigrating to the West. According to our findings, the West is imagined as an “ideal place.” For some queer people, it is the only place where they can imagine a future, while for others emigration is hypothetical. The findings reveal the effects of this potentiality of emigration on the life and relationships of queer participants. For those who want to leave but are unable to do so due to practical obstacles or a lack of resources, inner emigration appears to serve as a survival strategy for managing a reality that is difficult to tolerate. The article applies postcolonial optics to explore the complex relationship between Kazakhstan, Russia, and the West, and the intersections of national, gender, and sexual identities.