The Ice Seller of Hell

“Now, girls, pay attention!” Mrs. Vafai tapped twice on the whiteboard with her forefinger knuckle, protruding and plump in her long carbon cotton glove that ebbed into her soot-colored manteau sleeves. “When you get married, you are wedded to the entire family. Remember, the man you love today may be educated in Europe, but his mother, his sister, could be the ruin of you at some point. Even an intellectuel man is an instinctive being. So, get that certificate before anything, even if the groom’s family doesn’t demand it. Get it. Fold it or frame it. Trust me, it will do you a lot of good.”It was one of those early morning sessions, 7:30 sharp to 9. No one should have to put up with such an upbeat timbre and witness the innards the instructor squiggled on the board before letting caffeine settle into one’s veins and the day fully crack open its eyelids.“Family Planning course, my ass!” Gelareh blurted under her breath as she doodled a brown toothbrush mustache in the groove between Mrs. Vafai’s nose and upper lip and changed pencils to sketch a green distorted male anatomical figure over her head. “Have they no shame? My great- grandmother had a better sense of liberté than this excuse for a woman.”I had to nudge her twice to let her know that Mrs. Vafai had narrowed her eyes and was now looking in our direction. I sat up straight and raised my hand.“But how do we know if the man is a virgin?”The thing is, I didn’t have a question in me. I had long learned, however, that questions are the best way to deflect and distract. Mrs. Vafai raised one of her disproportionately tattooed eyebrows and parted her vermillion border filler-injected lips, the tip of her tongue on the verge of slithering out, but instead, she walked back to the podium and put down the red marker without capping it. The black pen in her hand went up and down the roll book. She looked up at me again before the left corners of her mouth flinched upward, and her pen dashed left and right. I felt my face thicken from the stares and whispers around me.“Now, I get your point . . . Ms. Derakhshan, is it?” Mrs. Vafai returned to the whiteboard. “But you must understand where you live . . . it’s not always about what you want. It’s also about your circumstances.”“We are the circumstances! We are the ones who assign meaning to it!”Ugh, there she goes again. That’s great! Bravo, Mrs. Mary Alltalk-nocraft! That’s another three hours of spiritual banter with the moral committee. Or maybe they’ll ask us to sit out the semester exam since this is strike two. Should I intervene with yet another question, or maybe if I keep mum, I could come out untainted from this fecal detonation of words? This is what I find hard to believe about evolution. How did we ever relinquish the impulse to lick our wounds? And for what? To fling words at each other and do harm that cannot be undone, if ever, but by words? What wound did ever heal but by the dab of the tongue?Gelareh’s eyes stared into Mrs. Vafai’s, like two colonial-knotted hazel buttons in the hoop of her short olive-green maghnaeh that she had changed into just before class. After crossing the main gate and somehow making it past the security guards, who would sometimes stop us for violating the “dress code,” and before going to class, Gelareh would stand in front of the restroom mirrors and pull out two inches worth of her new pink highlights over her forehead and then a few strands from behind her ears to arrange them as sideburns poking out of her headgear. She would run to the mirrors right before every class to ensure everything was still in place for the rest of the day. I tucked all my hair at once under my headgear before setting foot out of the house. Living in this hair purgatory of showing and not-showing, of mane-being and unbeing, could whittle down one’s wits and lock in one’s world into a tapered game of duality. I wanted whatever was left of my mind to myself to do as I please. No, I could not become the regulator of my transgressions to serve, and free of cost too, the gamemasters. That would be a disservice to me, to bear the titles they had carefully carved: “rebel,” “oppositionist,” “agitator.” I wanted to bake my titles and rake my own life. So, hair better fully in than half out, I had decided. For now.“All right. Explain this to me, Ms. Montazeri,” Mrs. Vafai sighed as she pulled at the fabric that encased her bulbous chin, “Suppose a nice young man asks for your hand. You are sitting there with his family and yours in the introduction session . . . would it be easy for you to tell him your past in front of everyone? And even if, say, you do have an understanding with him in private . . . what if you argue one day or he decides to leave you, you don’t think word gets out? If you do not consider your reputation, imagine what shame it could bring to your family . . . to your father?”We could hear students pouring out of the classrooms. Mrs. Vafai pursed her lips. “That’s it for today! Please read the chapter on the advantages of university marriages for next week,” she declared as she pulled off her licorice-black chador from the chair, and save for her nasal bone and left eye cloaked her entire face before dashing out.“Batwoman has left the building,” someone from the back announced, same as last week. And the week before that. And the week before that week. No one laughed anymore.I went to the desk and capped the red marker.“Look at us!” Gelareh waved her hand left and right as though brandishing an imaginary staff, “All girls! This should be the one course where boys and girls learn together.”I sank back into my seat. A few students still in the classroom gave us concerned looks as they gathered their things. I looked through the window at the boys and girls walking or sitting in groups, in twos and threes, across the campus, always mindful of the prescribed distance between them. Lately, everything had taken the morbid shape of an argument. Everyone was a whiny critic. In the in the in the Everyone to know how should not be I wanted to and understand or I I was the last few of the and we had a class for the day. So, I Gelareh to with me in it would that the would with its and on to them from The of still with You could even its once or twice a on those of the for the We walked through the to the of the be my to say, hard to the It’s you know what that my a new new And new we what through the in a the of had on since we it at our A few in and past we about the main we across the of A an of was on the of the the and the they had tucked into their or behind their a face short of a me of last with a a in her had the behind of from had an and every she the off her she to in her that out now and a the pulled around her face like she was in a that had its A man with hair and before he into another raised his and a few looked up the rest on A man in his and his the young who and her between her as she keep they have no What do they each we our way behind the and into the with the and where we could sit across from each other and out our and of last we had that we would no about the of with we in and out of had we we every of our love How they looked at How we looked they looked at we our and then our about the we in We would point out and about their but of what was day we our words from the of cannot be on the but I believe it was one of our at the was one of those where goes for an or but to in in the of and new The was a who a of for the in the that all a that was to them at the a in the he the on a a was a early with out of and from The could the to the to face the he out the for a few you could all the at once of where you sat in the the of every was a with just as as you are . . . in on its In the the university was easy on the but as the as a for the world of and did the could a of and for to read a or one as they for their next or to be and over and And did the of who the in of at the of the they do you words or could your and by those who the a new to the a you the place with that in and and and and over they had for with and green out of their in and that they would with the around their the someone walked The with and all down to and up to the through and each other in between long and from their and The The The of the before the of the and The of to and from the in the face of the on the is in this and we are to with two since the of we would there straight from the university every other day. I must have half a worth of in and out the rest in one of those that you on you have the of of with the of it on you that just maybe over is the one I was by the of with a of that did not have to into the of the I had out all I and someone who for my had a the a around his and a that he to as the of a and to a sat around the and he out his with a of as though he in a on his and and through his to the or in to letting his was a as I that the he at the of those who with The that him could just about like a at the of one word with no other I from him that I had The I went to his to the and I was don’t understand it . . . Gelareh me, would was a in and in the of A few we sat on the behind the main our and Gelareh an eye out for the security and the is as she her for the . . . I know you he doesn’t like one . . . but it with You should it some did not around to find some I a for I to Gelareh on one of our to know that she to the in her I my and my hand from in her at my manteau come The of this is a that I to keep under but for still to I could not tell Gelareh I had out of going to how of meaning one through the of and morning in the we had just left the and on the next to each other under the of the a from a and at one of us had just I a We in our a by long that and to the eyes of the who the on their at I sat up my to my and my to a of black in before a over That was as as I could the in my For I Gelareh would just up her What in the world me to this short red manteau I my the to down to the to bring me a chador and the I would have to on the back a the in So, just a with a What Gelareh there without as a at him I my my don’t be a now . . . as she and gathered her She must have my do you think under a man and do the you think you We could still hear him us as we through an in the and we the of the main We to our breath as as we the of some and a who was them and in from the he over his We walked for a without a What could we or do that would us from the of the that was no down as I to what like another a before my me to a For a I I was I looked up there it some to a of on a as though it with the in the of the day. if two and from its every to in the of the or was it three the of their to off each . . . what is Gelareh by my my and did not back to on her I myself the I the of into a of long black a that had come to right off the of a I in the a its for a or to the it could into yet another that would the I was under long of to every that had no my I on my the of a few between my and the that had this For a we there in our and at the This had even a like Gelareh up a as as looked We once again off the main and in the of one of the of the with no in A man in a was walking from the I raised my and he his me, I looking at the on his is this in . . . what are black this he his upper one did not last for him to but he out of his and them up on his left a few some a long of and a it have . . . I not to at the we them to the of the it its own this wanted to know how they had to to the but I his like he as he me I to who out a before his hand on his as if to it from the on the and looked to the left and right before out three he as he up his such girls you and walked us the the that to have off of its think it’s to . . . you think be into I we was in session by the we returned to That his a for the and those and by the of other was an open he to stand in front of the class to would sit he than and a in the about he though it’s hard to tell what without a that all the and into the to face the whiteboard. was the to there is no such thing as a question, In his he a few of us the of and the You could out a with the in his and like he the of hair on his by it about in my class . . . your or even as long as . . . he us on the day as we out for the that he had us long as you it to I he would not last before you two we this from The of as he us a before he sat down in the between two male he someone to it from the place in the of the in up his of in a in his to the of a in who is to have walked around the for every he at the students to his right before he his to the would then with the he had in the of it to the of who from So, he was left with but by he did the same thing again and again and again. he his to face the students in the back and the of his chair, into the at and just get that out of the it the of the a in a who always sat by the window in the the of our to us and how we should that will us for the other world . . . this is what the was a of before a in the last and we all the me of she for a few how is like by at the of like I don’t know . . . but like I it was like that like is in is not like the of we are like . . . and like you have the as like a It’s . . . of as a place long before another male who sat next to in the the in the know if read you his and in his before he looked in our my to a Ms. I by your you don’t understand that I Gelareh with a of in her that I was not to This That . . . I what even the right to and . . . in his at the of the classroom without looking in our don’t understand the of this world and that The The entire are on this as he raised his We always he and his didn’t a and at they . . . we have in this class and the to our would we read Ms. what you with this think the is a of That’s a for a do you our next question should question I would ask is the question I have myself What is a or The is a of that The is Gelareh in a that and one that I the it’s . . . it’s and in its is not . . . have their . . . their and that you know . . . we know . . . and there is the face into the of an as he his eyes on the you . . . you the of the gets around the world before the has a to get its this was the of the of She had one up her for every what the was that it had no Gelareh back into her chair, looking with someone from the and the into one We could be this in you that by should not us or as he walked back to the . . . Gelareh sitting up maybe there is no such thing as the and . . . and it’s that us think there has your looked up to who our words with his eyes like a a is always and be without he his right hand at what are you going to That are that what you are going to you then ask me them if I think they he to keep his eyes on like to and that Gelareh could open her raised his hand. the of . . . what I you to from this is the of to a from a . . . for the semester those also hand in a short on a of and our way out, we by who was down the with two other as we behind pulled a long from under her headgear. she she back her hair in who walked without an A of up in my face that by now I to be a of her hair by a few of then by a around a and with hair to a was all I to before I into my off the main to campus, I my black maghnaeh for a I in my and felt my down my is such from the of the fabric that had it all my now to and In the the the of has a new of We are by the from who is to tell us about the of on and the . . . some words that in the of the of that us and off the from the of an to my right. I up the window as I and the other The the of from that their and a some of the of the the man sitting behind me between I for his mouth in the but looked down he returned my thing I could the front the one the man by the other two of a for to I I have my he as I him and his a and to It’s like the his the man behind the to “When we we for to This was and that was he as he out his hand past the face to point out the “All I ever wanted to do with my was to from a that to be I the window as his hand went past my face this still to me. always I the in the his have us of if on he just man the down the window and up a was a he didn’t to his the man behind me a his that he didn’t have it in that was a and not a . . . one from his a of his and all the and their That was the for did a lot of What a and we . . . that was his the man behind me but the and the just have it . . . you about the The two next to him with for the last do I I before the could to the to out the I had in the of my is not worth your the as he me. I always pay was last A of was last he his forefinger as he the at me. it is a three it’s you live he as I gave him a and down at the where a new on the in red the of the was the thing I for I walked past the and the long of that to the and A young in a pink and black sat on a on the as who to from the in the before had of before the and of by who had the I the I the two to their up the and at a I the man who at me in a with the same that his had at me a I into a I put on my to to my new with he all the of the in the and did not a word of them. I do not he that I in myself a to do If I in my a to keep then I was about to that I a in a green and black manteau who had her back to the of a at me. A young by her who have over looked like they on a that they would I off my and my up to a me, she without come for a didn’t like one of those who for by up their to I for a before going into the a and to this she the main behind her and a from her other me three of my she me . . . the him for she at the black in the he me to me don’t you just the rest from that across the I looking at the who our with his are the she he is the one them at a I them for my them . . . in the the from the and her me as I into the without a and put my hand on the of do you three The man behind the his you you ask me how I I have to to I a by how I his lips. . . . to at you do know that sometimes a than one her I myself The too, he his again and his . . . he with his are no sank as I the behind I had read in the that and of the in the to and a of another of the and the To or not to That is the this at have come in for The come they know it’s a all of he his forefinger in the to that and I to the I a but I to to then two in a black didn’t know I myself as my eyes have in this for Even the didn’t have of . . . strike them my are not even for me . . . they are for the who just and you to I it’s She has at . . . you know how it I don’t how do we know she has my he This is how it We each other . . . in I you like a . . . strike them he looking to the and the now a few from the me I as I her the black and the of the and walked before she could down the of in my and back by my eyes on the and of my red I was about to into two who in the long the I felt a of words come out of my lips. The of the from across the and the of in the me A of down my as I my around few a young man up a he had just off from the that of the it’s a man all he at those the of young on their with I the to them and with eyes looking right with looking straight before me I past the and just before the to our that his would be on the to me I my I a out of my and it into a my I out a that into three each into two or three with at black to them. I carefully put the on my and up the I off all my down my on the and pulled up the over myself and I her with my The like raised that had once a to be as though they had and as if they with new from a I up on my their be The chador is not The was by the . . . off my on to the black between my and my